Parenting Lessons from the Pros
“A single conversation across the table with a wise man is better than ten years mere study of books.”
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
“I’m not a role model,” declared former NBA player Charles Barkley. Although every professional athlete may not be right fit nor have the desire to be a role model, many of them can pass along to us parents some really important lessons. Over the years I have had the honor and privilege of interviewing dozens of professional athletes. Having dinner with someone who you’ll see play on Sunday, or under the bright lights, is very impactful. Through my discussions, I saw a healthy pattern in almost every one of these conversations. Three intriguing lessons emerged from these parent/athletes for which every parent of an athlete can benefit. These unique findings can be summed up in three words: Composure, Ownership, and Resilience.
1. COMPOSURE: “I may be going crazy inside, but my child will never know it if they look at me.” These parents and former athletes, have procured the ability to recognize, control and compartmentalize their own emotional experience and defer to a greater good. Who knows, maybe this skill and the cultivation of this type of emotional strength is what helped catapult them into the highest levels in their sport. As parents of athletes we need to ask ourselves what benefit is brought by the expression of our personal emotional state, before, during and after our child’s competition.
2. OWNERSHIP: “You do you.” I was shocked how infrequently these professional athletes pushed their own children. They were always willing to help when a child asked or expressed a desire to learn, but, apart from that, most of them were very hands off in their treatment of their child’s sports. Maybe it was because they knew how important it was for the motivation to be intrinsic, from within their own children. Maybe they wanted it to be fun as long as possible? Maybe, they knew that if they pushed, they would create a fabricated lens that their child would be examining themselves through. When children look at themselves through our lens it may wind up being a barrier to them discovering and living out the unique self they were designed to be. If you love your child and want to set them up for success, you can’t want something for your child more than they do.
3. RESILIANCE: “Somehow, somewhere, the hard work will pay off.” Outworking and outlasting those you are competing with is a key contributor to succeeding in sports. Resilience is similar because it boldly declares that there is a desired reward at the end of the journey that is worth fighting for, struggling with and persevering towards. Additionally, what payoff do you want for your young athlete? When they play their last game or have their last official competition, will they have forged character traits and life skills through their sports that will last a lifetime?
We hope these three concepts will make it into the notes section of your phone and eventually into your own sports parenting operating system. Your ability to grow stronger emotionally, to take the right amount of responsibility, and to persevere and keep moving in the right direction, will be a blessing to your child for all of their days.