Coming to our Senses
Five Sideline Tips to Help your Athlete
“All our knowledge begins with the senses.”
Immanuel Kant
If experience is forged in the furnace of bad choices—I’m the best expert on sports parenting there has ever been! My numerous bad decisions, harsh words, silent treatments, attempting to control my children from the sidelines and general craziness of my behavior has contributed more to my child’s challenges than her successes. I have occasionally wondered if my child would be better served if I would have set aside the money I used on her private sports training and put it into a glass jar in the kitchen for her, “future counseling fund.”
Ok—confession over.
Through the tension, turmoil, state titles and tears, I have gleaned some great lessons about life and parenting young athletes. Learning how to stay in the moment by engaging our five senses is a fantastic way we can love our athletes towards success–one sense at a time!
Sight: SMILE. Regardless of how they play, let your smile be the first thing your child sees. Fake and forced smiles don’t count. Actually, they are counter-productive, undermining the trust and authenticity in your relationship. Check your heart and priorities and bust out with a big Cheshire cat smile that can be seen on your mouth as well as in your eyes!
“Let us always meet each other with a smile, for the smile is the beginning of love.”
Mother Teresa
Touch: HUG YOUR CHILD when they come off of the field. American Psychologist Virginia Satir shares from her extensive research, “We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.” No matter how old our children are, they are still little kids who need the love, acceptance and warmth that’s communicated to them in a genuine and affectionate hug.
“Too often we underestimate the power of touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, and honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”
Leo Buscaglia
Taste: BLOOD IN YOUR MOUTH. Some of the best sports parents are the ones who have the faint taste of blood in their mouth after their child’s disappointing sports performance. Those who bite their tongues, even to the point of needing to make their tongue bleed just a little, have shown great love and restraint by keeping the arsenal of their unchecked words, safely behind a fortress of self-restraint. Our children don’t always do their best or perform up to our hopes and expectations. The truth is, we don’t always live up to our own expectations of ourselves. One great thing we can do for our children is listen to them, their heart, their experience of the game and make a covenant not to share our “constructive criticism” until twenty-four hours after the competition (if ever!).
“Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.”
Thomas A. Kempis
Hear: “I LOVE TO WATCH YOU PLAY!” This phrase was the answer given by hundreds of college athletes who were asked the question: What phrase did you parents share with you that made you feel great and amplified your joy after a game? The result of the research conducted by Bruce Brown and Robert Millar, should be an encouragement for us to use this phrase and discover other soul nourishing phrases that fill our athletes hearts and mind with the right messages.
“Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Smell: SMELL THE FLOWERS (grass, artificial turf, gym floor, or eucalyptus leaves). The smells of sports aren’t always pleasant. Overflowing port-a-potties, body odor, smelly shoes, horses and their leftovers on the polo fields and mud stained shorts and shirts are the frequent fare around here. When we celebrate the efforts they have put into a practice, we help their sense of smell, one of the most powerful memory triggers with which we are equipped, to associate sports and feelings of success rather than feelings of failure. If the smell of pine needles, the salty ocean breeze and the unforgettable smell of a waffle cone conjure up wonderful images and memories, what memories and images will the smell of freshly cut grass or a stuffy gym bring to mind for your child in the years to come?
“Enjoy the little things in life … For one day you’ll look back and realize they were the big things.”
Kurt Vonnegut